A series of unlikely coincidences will lead to a stunning non-eclipse of the Sun today - for the first time in over one thousand, five hundred days.
For, due to reasons astronomers still do not fully understand, during a few moments on April 8th 2014 the nearest star in the galaxy named Milky Way will actually be visible to the naked eye from certain places in the United Kingdom.
Supernatural Intervention, or Science Fact?
On this landmark day, chemical trails laid by unregistered, unmarked white jets not known to the CAA or FAA, not carrying ADS-B (automated dependent surveillance broadcast equipment) and appearing only on military radar screens will briefly cease to criss cross the sky in their usual persistent, elongated orbits leading to almost unprecedented clarity of the atmosphere.
During this rarely witnessed non-eclipse, light rays emitted by a star some 93 million miles distant will be able to enter the Earth’s atmosphere and reach the ground unobstructed by the normal smears of milky white strips of reflective particles sprayed in aerosol form. Not to mention what’s left of the ozone layer, decimated by several years of chemical spraying. “It is one of the drawbacks of spraying sulfuric acid over the planet,” admitted geoengineer David Keith on the Colbert Report, “but on the other hand, it forces us to acknowledge the situation. Let’s poke the system and see what happens!”
Members of the public will want to make the most of what might be a once in a lifetime chance to see an actual star, something which, until the geo-engineering advances proposed by ex-weapons physicist and bass player Ken Caldeira and Carnegie Mellon-backed David Keith, was clearly visible throughout mankind’s entire four million year history, with only occasional obstruction by water vapour in the form of airborne clouds.
But some scholars remained unconvinced that a chemtrail-free non-eclipse could be a genuine event, or even be possible, given NATO’s daily, relentless trashing of the sky – and warned people not to attribute their disappearance to supernatural causes.
“There has to be a mistake in the calculations,” warned Professor Stephen Hawking, perhaps the world’s most intelligent scientist and author of the best-selling “A Brief History of Time”. “We should all resist the urge to jump to fantastic conclusions: such situations must have a logical cause, even if at the present incomplete state of our knowledge, we have no idea what they may be.”
“In any case, the laws of physics would never permit such an unnatural event to last for more than a few moments. It is my opinion that either NATO temporarily ran out of fuel, or the chemtrails themselves are hidden by surrounding buildings.”
Either way, the general public was guaranteed a phenomenal light show, albeit for only a few brief, euphoric moments. Observers in MP Nadine Dorries’ chemtrail-laden town of Bedford were incredulous, with all schools closed – and with some experts wondering if it was even safe to venture outside.
Footnote, April 9th: unregistered jets resumed normal spraying from 05:30, blanketing the sun with thick, milky white haze and calming the residents of Bedford once again. Phew – we all know how dangerous those stars are!