Phenomenal Solar Non-Eclipse!

A series of unlikely coincidences will lead to a stunning non-eclipse of the Sun today – for the first time in over one thousand, five hundred days.

For, due to reasons astronomers still do not fully understand, during a few moments on April 8th 2014 the nearest star Sol, in the galaxy Milky Way will actually be visible to the naked eye from certain places in the United Kingdom.


“A” is for aerosol, among other words: these more familiar skies will return very shortly, according to the Royal Society, producer of helpful information on geo-engineering. “The public should not be alarmed,” their spokesman said this morning. “Chemical trails will indeed be visible on all other days of the year.”

Supernatural Intervention, or Science Fact?

On this landmark day, chemical trails laid by unregistered, unmarked white jets not known to the CAA or FAA, not carrying ADS-B (automated dependent surveillance broadcast equipment) and presumed military craft will briefly cease to criss cross the sky in their usual persistent, elongated orbits – leading to an unprecedented clarity of the atmosphere.

During this rarely witnessed non-eclipse, light rays emitted by a star some 93 million miles distant will be able to enter the Earth’s atmosphere and reach the ground unobstructed by the normal smears of milky white strips of reflective particles and a powdery grey and white atmosphere from long-lingering smears of aerosol sprays.  Not to mention what’s left of the ozone layer, decimated by several years of chemical spraying. “It is one of the drawbacks of spraying sulfuric acid over the planet,” admitted geoengineer David Keith on the Colbert Report, “but on the other hand, it forces us to acknowledge the situation.  Let’s poke the system and see what happens!”


“What on Earth is it?” Incredulous residents of Bedford, April 8th 2014.

Unchanged Melody

Members of the public will want to make the most of what might be a once in a lifetime chance to see an actual star, something which, until the geo-engineering advances proposed by ex-weapons physicist and bass player Ken Caldeira and Carnegie Mellon-backed David Keith, was clearly visible throughout mankind’s entire four million year history, with only occasional obstruction by water vapour in the form of airborne clouds.

a day of chemtrails

Milky waif: schools were closed today throughout Bedfordshire during a startling lack of the chemical trails usually appearing every day of the year regardless of atmospheric conditions – whether dry, wet, freezing, ambient, warm or blisteringly hot – making their momentary disappearance something of a cosmic puzzle

 Skeptic Tanked

Some scholars remained unconvinced that a chemtrail-free non-eclipse could be a genuine event, or could even be possible given NATO’s daily, relentless trashing of the sky – and warned people not to attribute their disappearance to supernatural causes.

Carlos Santana Supernatural Bobby Wylde

Mexican guitarist Carlos Santana, creator of the album Supernatural, advised followers to remain calm. “During this non-eclipse I will play in the key of D minor as usual,” he said, lighting an incense stick, adjusting his hat to a rakish angle and cranking up his valve-driven Mesa Boogie amp to 12 (Painting: Bobby Wylde)

“There has to be a mistake in the calculations,” warned Professor Stephen Hawking, perhaps the world’s most intelligent scientist and author of the best-selling “A Brief History of Time”. “We should all resist the urge to jump to fantastic conclusions: such situations must have a logical cause, even if at the present incomplete state of our knowledge, we have no idea what they may be.” 

“In any case, the laws of physics would never permit such an unnatural event to last for more than a few moments.  It is my opinion that either NATO temporarily ran out of fuel, or the chemtrails themselves are hidden by surrounding buildings.”

Either way, the general public was guaranteed a phenomenal light show, albeit for only a few brief, euphoric moments.  Observers in MP Nadine Dorries’ chemtrail-laden town of Bedford were incredulous, with all schools closed – and with some experts wondering if it was even safe to venture outside.


“My great grandparents often told of a golden glowing ball in a deep blue sky. Of course we laughed – the sky is always a powdery grey from January to December. Is it a cosmic sign?”

solar_ 027

In all the excitement, don’t get carried away – use smoked glass or a pinhole camera, or hide behind a bush; supervise young children who may find the abnormal situation frightening; keep pets indoors.  A government helpline (0800-CHEMSPRAY) suggested staying in a darkened room to watch TV, and promised that normal spraying would continue first thing tomorrow


Footnote, April 9th: unregistered jets resumed normal spraying from 05:30, blanketing the sun with thick, milky white haze and calming the residents of Bedford once again. Phew – we all know how dangerous those stars are!

And April 10th – the carnage continues!  (Here’s a timelapse showing how these babies began, and how they looked an hour later)

10 april 2014 satellite 2

April 10th 2014, 11:00 am: NATO sprays +1 hr

About iain carstairs

I have a great interest in both scientific advances and the beauty of religion, and created about 15 years ago with the aim of finding common ground between the scientist and the believer, and to encourage debate between the two sides.
This entry was posted in Bedford, Chemtrail denial, David Cameron, David Keith, Department of Transport, Eugenics, Ken Caldeira, Lunatic Fringe, Mayor Boris Johnson, Metabunk Syndrome, MP Nadine Dorries, MP Richard Fuller, NATO Chemtrails, Sol and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Phenomenal Solar Non-Eclipse!

  1. Kate says:

    Brilliant Iain. Ironic laughter feels like a sane response to such gross geo-tinkering (you either laugh or cry).

    Love the Santana album Supernatural too – healing music.

  2. Smooth, very smooth!

    Although do you notice how quickly “smooth” becomes a nonsensical word if you repeat it only a few times? There must be a neuronal story behind that somewhere, for another day

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s